It seems that we are in the midst of mass military hysteria here at A1 and for Queen and country we will go to great lengths to conquer every time.

Last week saw the ‘battle of the sergeants’ as real life Warrant Officer Class One William Mott, Garrison Sergeant Major London District, OBE of the Welsh Guards (try saying that after a few), and John Sergeant, radio journalist, broadcaster and dancer extraordinaire, both visited our barracks.

They weren’t in the same session together, which is probably just as well for John, who would have needed industrial sized head phones to rise to the challenge of out voicing, and hearing himself, against the impressive, yet booming, vocal activity, of the Garrison Sergeant Major who could be heard reverberating across the whole of Soho.

A Garrison Sergeant Major (GSM) in the British Army is the senior warrant officer of a garrison and holds the rank of Warrant Officer Class 1. The GSM London District is always a guardsman, and holds one of the four most senior WO1 appointments in the British Army. They also have military ceremonial responsibility for important state occasions such as Trooping the Colour.

London's pageantry is admired throughout the world and the magnificent Trooping of the Colour, to celebrate our Monarch's birthday, forms a vital part of our national heritage. The role of the GSM is critical to the successful and world class execution of state ceremonial and Public Duties. He is widely recognised as the expert on the drill of all Arms.

So as you can imagine, we were extremely honoured to meet the current Garrison Sergeant Major, WO1 ‘Billy’ Mott, and though he looked exceptionally tall, broad and ever so slightly intimidating in his uniform, he was a very unassuming and pleasant man. He even popped his head round my office door on his way out to say thank you for having him. The Queen has bagged herself a mighty fine one there me thinks.

And so to the second ‘Sergeant’ of the week.

John Sergeant may be best remembered for donning sequinned outfits and defying the Strictly Come Dancing panel by being kept in by the public vote. Each week saw the man with the bulgy tummy, thinning hair and face of a grumpy wee troll, turn into an overnight sex symbol and loveable fixture, even though he was by no means a Fred Astaire.

One of John’s other memorable moments was when he waited outside the British embassy in Paris for Margaret Thatcher, in the hope of hearing her reaction to the first ballot in the party leadership contest of 1990, only to be pushed aside by her press secretary, Sir Bernard Ingham, when Thatcher emerged from the building.

For this broadcast, Sergeant won the British Press Guild award for the most memorable broadcast of the year, beating Paul Gascoigne who had been nominated for bursting into tears during the 1990 Football World Cup Semi-Final against West Germany! The big wuss.

After retirement from political journalism, Sergeant's appearances on programmes such as Have I Got News For You made him a sought-after participant in television comedy and satire shows.

He is currently a reporter for The One Show and even hosted alongside Myleene Klass for a week last August. Lucky old thing eh!

But for me, I just loved watching John on Strictly as whilst the other contestants quaked before the ferocious judging panel, he was a force to be reckoned with. Used to batting off the likes of Margaret Thatcher, the judges had to watch their words for fear he might humiliate them back.

But however you see John, babe magnet or not, whatever he has, he’s got it by the tangoful and in the words of Strictly’s Craig Revel Horwood, John.....we think you’re Fab-U-Lous!

But the military fun doesn’t end there, for this week - believe it or not - coming into A1 we have...wait for it................a military dog that barks on command!!!

You heard it here first ladies and gentleman.

There are simply no limits to what the likes of us at VOX Towers can stretch our talent to.

We also have Channel 4 voice guru (of X Factor fame), Peter Dickson making an appearance on the same day so let’s see who has the last ‘bark’.

Lordy lord – I don’t think my ears are going to take all of this...now where did I leave the pooper scooper?

LONDON NEWS:

So I have totally broken with tradition and found a story that doesn’t include food or booze!

One hundred open-air ping pong tables are to be introduced around London this summer.

Ping London comes from the original mind of Colette Hiller, who last year plonked 30 pianos around town and invited Londoners to play them. Ping-pong bats will be provided with each table, bearing the legend: "Please put me back".

You won't be surprised to learn that the scheme has the hands of Boris Johnson all over it. At the 2008 Beijing Olympics, a slightly sozzled Boz went off-message during a press conference, and claimed the sport... thought to be a Chinese invention... for the Brits. Ping pong is, according to the Mayor, a descendent of "whiff-whaff", a game invented by the wealthy upper-classes in 19th century Albion. Believe what you will but though the claim is highly debatable apparently the Mayor’s skill is not!

A dab hand with the paddle, Boris will play Sebastian Coe in the opening match of a summer tournament pitting various celebrities and artists against each other. Locations announced so far include Terminal 5, the Albert Memorial, and Trafalgar Square.

Wonders will never cease.

So please wish me luck this week as we go for round two of our military inspired theme and I attempt to keep my cool as I combat that age old quandary of never working with animals. It could be a ‘ruff’ ride!