I was lucky enough to get the gorgeous Miss Ellie Howell and trustworthy Mr Jamie Nove to fill in for me whilst I sunned myself in Majorca, and sweated in 36 degree heat in a bridesmaid outfit! A big shout out to you guys for stepping in and keeping the fort ticking over.
So the wedding was going very well. Having had my hair and makeup done in an air conditioned room, the photographers arrived, armed with weapons of mass destruction and evil plans to bake us within an inch of our lives. They made us stand in the midday sun, by the pool, with a silver light reflector sheet to take away the glare of the sun. Brilliant for the photos I’m sure, absolute hell on the eyes!
Still we all came away relatively unscathed and no-one was so dazed that they took a one way ticket into the pool , (thus shattering the illusion of bridesmaid perfection). Phew!
So this blog is a case of three weddings and a transvestite!
May we send out big congratulations to Trevor Nichols and family who gained a daughter in law this week. Hurrah!
Everything went to plan, the sun shone, and I am happy to share a few pictures of Nick, Amy and Isaac with you right here, right now:
The happy day took place in idyllic Beer in Devon with Amy’s mum and dad living almost next door to the church – no excuses for turning up late eh Amy!
The inside of the church looked fabulous, with a nautical theme of fishing nets, buoys, oars and even a boat – more than a nod to the celebration of the seaside.
I think you will agree that it looks like a splendid time was had by all. Congratulations guys – you look like you enjoyed every minute and may we wish you all the happiness for your future life together. One, two, three.......AHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Now for those of you out there who are wondering where on earth our Mr Nove is, I can now divulge that he is loitering, probably with intent, in deepest darkest Oxfordshire.
The show is a veritable feast of Oxfordshire stories and people. I happened to catch a piece of the action today and had had a big grin on my face as Charles’ guest explained that he only eats raw food. This would be Charles’ idea of pure hell as he is a bona fide carnivore through and through.
Still - ever the professional, he quipped that the guy wouldn’t be converting him any time soon but that it all sounded marvellous especially considering it had cured the chaps chronic fatigue and depression. He followed this up with a rendition of the track ‘Hungry Eyes’ by Eric Carmen.
Intentional or not it was pure genius!
We look forward to having you back soon Charles and don’t worry Leon’s is still there for a meatball massacre on your return.
So to the racy section of this week’s Blog – Introducing Joan Walker, the sexy minx!
Filming took place in the beautiful Salford Masonic Hall. Joan’s scenes were with Sue Nicholls (aka Audrey Roberts) and Andrew Hall (aka Marc/Marcia).
Audrey was introduced to Marc in the Rovers Return by rival hairdresser Claudia Colby (Rula Lenska of A1 VOX fame!).
It isn’t long before Audrey finds her head turned by the silver fox. However, as is the way in soap land, secrets never stay buried for long and soon enough the women find out about Marc’s alter-ego Marcia.
In Joan’s scene Audrey is persuaded by Marc to accompany him to a benefit-cum-fund raiser for “Cross Wires” which is a charity that supports transgender folks. It is there that they meet Joan’s character (Louise) and her husband (Phil/Phyllis). Audrey is impressed by how Louise handles the whole cross dressing issue with Louise stating that her only complaint is that she thinks 'Phyliss'“...dresses too tary. She’s worth more than that”. Otherwise Louise is as happy as a fish in water, or a man in tights!
So that is a summary of the scene itself but what tom foolery did our Joan get up to whilst the cameras weren’t rolling:
WARNING – you are now entering the world of back stage Corrie as seen through Miss Walkers eyes – If you have a dicky ticker it is probably best to skip to the end of the Blog! May I also point out that some of the names have been changed to protect....the not so innocent!
“So, the three of us get there from Granada studios in our chauffeur driven Merc. and trot to our Winnebago (honest!) then are called on set to be astonished by about 70 extras all of whom look absolutely pantomimically bizarre! My "husband", T, is a chick with a d***. He proudly told me he paid £6,000 for his boobs but still has his man bits. In real life he is gay and has a "husband" (his word) who's an electrician. T, makes porn for a living and earns lots of money. She likes to be called "her" and got very upset once at passport control when she was addressed as a man. I'd like to have witnessed that!
Some of the extras looked like Les Dawson in a frock with ill fitting wigs and badly applied make up. Others looked like a cross between Jordan and a burglar's dog in lipgloss”
Pure Genius - Our Joan does have a way with words!
Joan goes on to say that another guy/gal was proudly showing off his news breasts (well, he revealed one) that he'd just had done. This apparently was very strange to see and not remotely sexual to witness a lump of clinically placed flesh on a chest. He was happy though.
I do have to mention the last guy/gal that Joan met who was a biker in his early 60s, who rides a Harley Davidson, and belongs to PIL - Perverts in Leather!..oh and his gal name is........Dinah Rod! Just when you think you’ve heard it all eh!
I wish I could explain in more detail the stories relayed to me by Joan but both she and I would probably get into a lot of trouble so I will end it right there.
Needless to say Joan had a hilarious day. Thoroughly high spirited and enjoyable, and her and Sue Nicholls became good friends in a short space of time (TV love - bonkers, speedy world!)
Because she was on location Joan didn't get onto the cobbles but she did see a few of the regulars kicking around the green room and said that they were all lovely and chatty - Gail, Leanne, the woman who runs the factory, Roy Cropper, and Michelle Collins. Naming no names, (due to professional etiquette), but Joan did mention that one particular cast member had "a face like a Friesian licking p*** off a thistle". I'm sorry - I really am, but it was just too good to leave out! If you want to know more then you will just have to ask Joan.
The episode goes out on July 29th. Fingers crossed that all of Joan’s material is kept in as she says it was a very funny script by Jonathan Harvey.
So that concludes our round up of love, lust and leather.
Join us next week when normal service will be resumed, though I may ask Joan for a 'quip of the week' from now on, as the lady has a serious affinity with the English language!